College Cam.

My Random Facebook Story. Woot.

So, the other day I took my ostrich Francis to get some smoked sausage because you know how ostriches get when they don’t get their smoked sausage…… anyways, we rode segways to the sausage outlet because I left Francis’ saddle in my chocolate oasis… silly me. We got to the shnitzel shop, also known as the “Vienna Venture” and Francis started purchasing his beerwurst like a meth-addicted midget lathered in honey….. you can only imagine the madness. Turning around from the hoopla, I ran into a deranged Hobbit who had a chip on his shoulder and was recruiting some exotic vertebrates to fight their dreaded enemies; Chuck Testa and the cheeky bastards. Me being a hater also and Francis heavily conflicted but quickly deciding to turn to left-sided politics, we were ready to drop a fat, soggy blobfish on these nest-munchers. Sadly, I had to rename Francis to Battle-Hardened so he had a comfortable morale when it came to our kinky war tactics. At last, I rode Battle-Hardened off into the desert with thousands of hobbits each riding a separate castrated sheep. Oh, all of us hoodlem flavored compadres were a sight to see! Both sides ran vertically and fought each other in an intense aerial combat that featured many squeeky toys, a whale dork, Samuel L. Jackson, and Dumbledore playing the electric triangle. We won the war. Casualties were high. Battle-Hardened’s mustache fell off. Yet we won! There was an after-party over Buddha’s house where Stephen Hawking was the celeb DJ. Woot Woot. My pants were soaked, battle hardened ate sausage all night long, and it rained flatulence all through the night. K bye.